How to get out of a Victim mindset?

“Abandon the idea that you will forever be the victim of the things that have happened to you. Choose to be a victor.” 

– Seth Adam Smith

Have you ever been with people who take credit for all the good things that happen in their lives, but blame someone else for all the bad things?

They loathe every time with expressions such as, “I do not have more money” or “I do not have a nice physique” or “My job sucks” or some other thing.

I am pretty sure you must have been in such a company.

Because people like them exist everywhere.

They do not like to work for the rewards they seek. Instead, they want to sit back and blame the government, their boss or someone else.

They keep reassuring themselves they are at the mercy of their situations.

In short, they have a Victim mindset.

This is one of the pretty common mindsets you find in your social circle. And if you find yourself in their company a lot, then you would also develop this mindset.

Successful people do not blame someone else for their shortcomings. They do not play the victims of the situation.

And if you want to be successful in your endeavors, then you have to get rid of this mindset.

Why Victim mindset is dangerous?

Let’s say you have decided to get a job in your dream company. You have researched it and you know what all the steps you need to take to give yourself a fair chance.

But you are currently working for a small start-up.

And you begin to wonder if this is possible to achieve. You start to tell yourself, “I have always had bad luck with these things and I will never succeed”. And you find tons of reasons to back this up.

So instead of preparing and putting the necessary efforts, you focus on past situations and give up your goal.

You find excuses to feel sorry for yourself and be a victim.

The same goes true for being successful in your finances, fitness goals and other areas of life.

You always think that everything is stacked up against you and there is no chance to succeed. You tell yourself the lies and feel comfortable in that bubble.


How to change the victim mindset?

The first and foremost thing you should do is to develop a positive attitude.

When Nelson Mandela was imprisoned for 27 years, he did not feel a victim of the situation. Instead, he motivated himself and led the anti-apartheid revolution.

When Stallone was repeatedly rejected for his Rocky script, he did not feel a victim. He kept pushing himself until he finally got his dream come true on the big screen.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Remember, nobody has the time or interest to make things right for you. You have to do that for yourself!

You should not see everything from a negative perspective.

When you are stuck in a bad situation, try to analyze it and take the steps necessary to come out of it. Consider this as an opportunity to learn and improve your problem-solving skills.

Do not focus on the problem. Focus on the solution instead.

1. Take responsibility

“I am not a victim. No matter what I have been through, I’m still here. I have a history of victory.”

– Steve Maraboli

If you gladly accept you are the reason for all the nice things in your life, then you should also equally accept you being the reason for all the messed up things in your life.

You cannot have it both ways.

You should take responsibility for all your actions. 

When things do go wrong, instead of blaming the situation or someone else, you have to gracefully accept and take responsibility.

Only once you fully accept your responsibility, you can see past the mistakes and do things right again.


2. Focus on the controllables

“If we control the controllables, everything else will follow”.

– Dave Anderson

Many a time we tend to focus on the things which we cannot influence.

We drift into fantasy land and surrender ourselves to the situations. If things do not turn out the way we want them to, we find an excuse to blame the circumstances.

There are things that you can control in life. They are mostly intrinsic. For example, how you cope up with a deadline at a job, how you discipline yourself in matters of personal finance etc.

Focus on them and try to influence these things. These are controllables.

Do not focus on extrinsic factors. You cannot influence them.

If you focus too much on the extrinsic factors, then eventually you will end up in a blame game.

3. Beware of your social circle

“You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with”.

– David P Brown

As I mentioned earlier, it matters a lot what kind of people you spend your time with.

If you spend most of your time with people with a positive mindset, people who encourage you to be better, then you also become like that.

If you spend most of your time with people who complain a lot, discourage any new ideas, then over time, you tend to be one of those.

I am not suggesting you to completely cut off your ties with them. But beware of the energy and the amount of time you spend with them.


4. Stop comparing with others

“All that glitters is not gold”.

– Anonymous

Everybody in this world has its own set of challenges and shortcomings to deal with. Nobody is perfect.

Just because you see one side of their life, it does not mean everything else is good.

Stop comparing yourself with others. It will do you more harm than good.

You do not know about their journey unless you have walked on it.

Focus on you instead. Try to be the best possible version of yourself.


“Where victims see adversity, extreme achievers see an opportunity”.

-Robin Sharma

If you do not like where you are in your life physically, emotionally, spiritually, then change things.

Get on a plan and take control of your life.

Do not blame the situation, your past, the society or your fate. You should own your sh*t!

Life is not fair and it will never be. Why should you get all the special treatment, when everyone else is toughing it out?


Nobody owes you anything.

Do not think the world revolves around you. This is the very definition of a narcissist.

You are the master of your destiny. How you navigate your life is all up to you. Do you want to be held back by your thoughts or you want to be successful?

You decide.

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Bharath Sirgur

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